NOT JUST A CLICHE!

A moment on the lips equals a lifetime on the hips!

This is what my Trainers tell me before they criticize my food logs and before they kick my butt for 2 hours 3 days a week. They tell me that any binge eating of sweets, sugars, salts, and junk foods will promote weight gain in the years to come. Who wants that? It just puts more emphasis on the fact that I need to be more aware and cautious of what I put on my lips for fear of it ending up on my hips. 

I have to be honest with you, my lapse in concentration on my body the last year has really taken its toll on me. The arrow on the scale has slowly but steadily kept moving to the right, my clothes have been feeling more snug, and people say I look "good" instead of "fabulously thin and fit" or any other description that doesn't mean that my face has rounded out a little more since the last time they saw me. This battle I have been on, for the last ever it seems, is finally coming to an end! I have climbed on the horse and have got back on the track. The 3 things that my Trainers are having me do to help spark change in my body is:

1-Reduce food intake to 1150 calories per day

2-Increase physical activity to 60 minutes 5 days a week  

3-Eat 6 meals a day and keep the foods fresh

So far, this plan has worked. I have lost 5 pounds, 1 inch off my waist and lowered my body fat percentage by almost 2% in 1 week. I am thrilled that I can see results and it makes me push myself that much harder. My goal is to get down to a more comfortable weight by the end of October when I have my IVF procedures. Wish me luck and remember:

7 days without exercise makes one weak!

LEARNING TO TRUST

"This life is an experience in profound trust--trust in Jesus Christ, trust in His teachings, trust in our capacity as led by the Holy Spirit to obey those teachings for happiness now and for a purposeful, supremely happy eternal existence. To trust means to obey willingly without knowing the end from the beginning (see Prov. 3:5-7). To produce fruit, your trust in the Lord must be more powerful and enduring than your confidence in your own personal feelings and experience.

"To exercise faith is to trust that the Lord knows what He is doing with you and that He can accomplish it for your eternal good even though you cannot understand how He can possibly do it. We are like infants in our understanding of eternal matters and their impact on us here in mortality. Yet at times we act as if we knew it all. When you pass through trials for His purposes, as you trust Him, exercise faith in Him, He will help you.

That support will generally come step by step, a portion at a time. While you are passing through each phase, the pain and difficulty that comes from being enlarged will continue. If all matters were immediately resolved at your first petition, you could not grow. Your Father in Heaven and His Beloved Son love you perfectly. They would not require you to experience a moment more of difficulty than is absolutely needed for your personal benefit or for that of those you love." 

- Richard G. Scott

PEACE OUT PLAYA!

When it is coming on, it is unmistakable and sadly, unavoidable! 

Yeppers! 

The dreaded sinus allergy cold.

You look pale as a ghost.

Your eyes sink further into your skull.

Your nose is sore to the touch from all the blowing. 

Constant sneezing.

Congested sinuses that amount up to a gazillion on the pressure scale.

Coughing.

Sleepless nights even with medicine. 

A pounding headache.

Body aches.

I have all of, but not limited to, these symptoms and it totally sucks!

I am heading home early today and not returning to work tomorrow in hopes of ridding myself from this nasty virus!

Peace out Playa 

WHEN IT RAINS, IT POURS!

Do you ever feel like this?

I have felt this way a lot lately. It is almost as if I am in the movie Groundhog's Day and every day is 

M-O-N-D-A-Y!

I am one of those who suffer with S.A.D.S. and with the weather and all being out of whack this spring, it sure has taken its toll on me. It has sucked me up in a whirlwind frenzy of emotions, drenched me with mounds of water from constant floods of tears, tossed and mangled my body with fear, nervousness, anxiety and then spit me back out again to this ever so unpredictable and unreliable world.

I hope for brighter days ahead and more positive situations.

My day yesterday went a little something like this:

woke up twice in the middle of the night for puppy pee time with Telly,

hit the snooze button several times in the morning to try and catch the last few minutes possible of sleep that I didn't get during the night,

got Tahoe, Telly and our doggy-sat dog Callie outside and fed them breakfast,

got myself dressed and ready for work at half awake capacity, 

drank breakfast on the go,  

drove frantically on the freeway to work to ensure I wasn't late, again, while listening to "Radio from Hell" on x96,

fanned myself off with a work file-folder because my 'hot flashes' last more than just a flash,

remembered that I forgot to put out our frozen steaks to thaw for dinner,

yawned a few times and google searched "why my left eye won't stop twitching",

did computer stuff that somehow reflects my job description but I had no clue what it was that I was doing while using the function of only one eye,

fanned myself again and used an entire box of tissues to wipe away all the sweat dripping down my face,

got home and checked in on all my pups giving them lots of hugs and kisses, 

became overwhelmed for the fifty-hundredth time and cried uncontrollably again, 

forced myself and Tahoe on a jog down Wasatch trying to count the many blessings in my life that I have been given,

headed to the grocery store to buy new steaks,

started the never-ending loads of laundry that seem to be stalking me around the house in heaping piles,

yawned some more and wished for a D.P. to rid my migraines, 

started building the A.R.K. for primary that is a gazillion feet long out of teacher butcher paper using only 30% of my potential function due to lack of sleep, 

texted Sweets to find out what time, or how long, he would be home for,

grilled up the seasoned steaks and paired them with a steamed spinach, grape and almond salad, 

cleaned up after dinner and loaded the 2nd dishwasher because I never unloaded the 1st dishwasher from the day before,

fed my pups dinner and snuggled with them until they could no longer stand me,

attempted to sit for a nano-second without having to feel guilty and catch my breath while the laundry room kept beeping at me to change loads, 

changed the loads of laundry and folded all the clothes, 

yawned again, 

stuck my head in the freezer and realized I was still sweating so went for the whole body in the freezer thing, 

shed one or two more tears before Sweets invited me to Home Depot with him to buy a drill,  

cleaned up the last bit of dishes and wiped down the kitchen while putting the laundry back into its respective place, 

binged ate a handful of BBQ chips, 

showered and got ready for bed,

let out a big and much deserved sigh,

watched True Grit with my Sweets, Tahoe, Telly and Callie, 

fell asleep feeling completely worn out!

I am usually not one for such a Debbie Downer post, but I got to be honest with all of you! This is what goes on inside of me every day and each day it continues I feel worse and worse. Sorry Sweets for not confiding in you earlier, but thank you for being my constant rock! 

I love you!

TIMING IS EVERYTHING...

AND THEN SOME! 

TIming is good, bad, slow, fast, long, short, tearful, happy, sad, joyful, frustrating, exciting, nerve-racking, thrilling, stressful, stress-free, patient and stupid!

This is where I am right now!

I am trying to have faith in His Timing but it is beginning to take a toll on me. This is something that I have been struggling with for quite sometime now. Although I have learned this rule of thumb since I was little and am reminded of it every Sunday at Church, I somehow think that there should be an exception to His Timing, and that I could be that exception. Sadly, as time goes on, I realize that I am not!

So, after many days, weeks and months I am left here in the same place as I was before all this started... 

broken, tired, emotional and stressed!

WHY?

I have no idea, but I sure hope that I find out soon. In the meantime, I will continue on practicing my faith that He knows what truly is best for me and that He will take care of my needs at His right Timing!

THINGS THAT MUST GO

Does anyone listen to X96 in the mornings on their way to work???

I DO! and I love it! 

On wednesdays' they have a game called "Things that must go". I seriously love listening to this segment because it is all about the pet-peeves that people have and how the feel about them. Hence the title, 'things that must go'. 

I have peeves too!   

Lots in fact.  

And they are quite legit!

But to save on time, and hate comments from you non-existent readers, I will only tell you a few:

1-Horrible Utah Drivers. 

(preferably this week with the weather. We get a few drops of sprinkled water on the ground and all the crappy drivers that have been hibernating emerge from their homes and start driving 50! or even 60! mph on the freeway, slamming on their brakes for no good or warranted reason with no other car close to them in crash distance and yet they all seem to think that the far left lane has their name personally written on it just for them to drive in! HELLO PEOPLE! 

the speed limit is like 90! (not really, but it should be) and its a couple drops of rain. Either start driving, move to another State, get off all the major roads, or drive cautiously in the right lane where you are supposed to be! I seriously don't like my commute to take longer than it has too with accidents up the the wazoo all because "you" can't seem to drive in the 'Utah' weather that we get EVERY YEAR at roughly the SAME TIME! Horrible Utah Drivers Must go!)

2-  Pushy Grocery Store Customers

(This is my warning to all of you! If you see me in line and crowd my personal space in the checkout line, breathing down my neck in hopes of getting the checker to move faster or touch my groceries or my grocery divider, most likely (but without fail because I have practically done this) I will juno-chop you in the jugular, drop kick you and go all crazy tomahawk on you! SO BACK OFF! I have proximity issues. Seriously, I do! I get all anxiety ridden when people stand close to me and if I can feel you in my zone, I get scared and go on the defensive. I just don't like it when people touch my space or my things. I do give the benefit though, and I will slightly 'adjust' and shift my weight forward to create more space, but if you move with me every time I move, you are not going to like what is about to come your way. Oh, and do not walk around me while I am at the counter putting away my wallet as fast as I can, even if the checker has started checking out your items, because more hell and fury will be upon you than previously described. Pushy Grocery Store Customers Must Go!)

3- Dog Farts

(they just stink in every way possible and there is no conceptualized way of thinking they are anything but BUTT! Seriously though, why must they singe your nose hairs off? I am positive I don't feed my dog acid! Yet they waft in the shroom cloud, sniffing it up, looking around the room to see what that Chernobyl Explosion was that just went off behind them as if humans could actually produce that stench! Sorry pup, it ain't human! IT'S YOU! Dog Farts Must Go!)

4-Phil

(I know, I know, but you really need to hear me out on this one. Phil from 'Modern Family' must go! He is a creeper! A bad man who looks and sounds like he hurts little children! Every time I see him or hear his voice, I honestly get the chills up and down my spine! Sure he is weird (and yes I can't think of anything else that he is that some-what resembles a positive attribute) and all, but so too are the candy/ice cream men who snatch up kids from the playground or walking home from school. Phil Must Go!) 

SO WHAT?!?

I unfortunately am the Queen of saying "So What". I say it often and I say it with conviction! I don't mean to be rude, or shady or act as if I don't care. I do care. I do care about the "So What's" in my life. But I only care enough to understand that in time, things will all work out the way that they are supposed to. I understand that people are concerned for me and want the best for me. However, I don't need constant reminders of everything I should be or should not be doing. It'll all come together in due time!

So What if I like to watch Keeping up the Kardashians? So What if I am still in school? So What if I treat Tahoe like a real child? So What if I don't have any human children? So What if I have strong negative feelings toward the FB? So What if I work part-time? So What if I enjoy Dr. Pepper? So What if I have gained a few lbs. over the past year? So What if I can't remember the sixty-some odd kids in my Primary? So What if my closet always seems to have a heaping pile of clothes on the floor? So What if I am late to work because I want to snuggle with Sweets and T in the morning?  


So to all the questions that I get constantly about who I am and what I am doing, I say "SO WHAT"!

MY DARE TO CHALLENGE MYSELF

When I started officially making goals a number of years ago, my weakest link was having self worth and confidence. I was unable to accomplish those goals and I felt horrible about myself and spent most of my time beating me up about the failures. So, this past year I have made great efforts to learn more and understand myself better in this area.

As I look back on my life and the goals that I have made over the years the questions of "why this time? How is this time different than the last? Am I really capable of completing this?" have entered my mind over and over. Setting numerous goals that mostly are out of reach with very little confidence in myself, I have realized is just plain crazy! But as I ponder now I think to myself, why not make goals to better my self-esteem? I am sure plenty of people think this is crazy! I am sure I would if the tables were turned. Practicing confidence and self worth for me, can be uncomfortable at times, tiring and quit frankly painful. I get extremely nervous around people I do not know, I have a hard time making conversation with others and I usually end the experience with anxiety over what just happened. So, then why do I care? I care because I keep hearing confidence is attractive. And who doesn't want to be attractive? Confidence is a positive outlook about yourself that shows the world that you are beautiful, fun, loving and proud of yourself just the way you are. It shows that you are accepting of different situations no matter if the conclusion is good or bad.

I have concluded that I need to know how far pure desire can take me. The acute notion that desire is what we are after in this world, be as it may, and my desire is to love myself unconditionally. The only way to really get to this understanding is if I strip away all the negative thinking and feelings of my everyday living and get down to the most basic human instinct, survival. There are many ways to challenge this pure desire to strive for survival and I can do this through building my self esteem up with setting and accomplishing goals, entertaining positive interactions with others that I do not know or who do know me and developing self worth through learning experiences no matter the outcome. This opportunity gives me a much needed push to set goals for confidence that make me stretch and reach to achieve them.

I believe many people would benefit from testing their own possibilities as I am hoping to do. Sometimes in life we stop the journey early and find out that we have limits, while others might loss their life trying to discover their limits, but to dare something that is difficult is a very admirable goal. 

Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat. – Theodore Roosevelt

WHO PEED IN YOUR CHEERIOS!?!?

This is most likely what you will be saying after you read this post, and I would like to say that 'no one' peed in my Cheerios this morning. I, in-fact, didn't even eat Cheerios this morning. I ate something entirely different and more scrumptious. Nonetheless, every once in a while I get these motivations so say what is on my mind, and this is the perfect outlet for me. If I try to exhaust my efforts of conversation on feminist issues with my husband, he kindly walks away smiling at me saying I am being stupid. Thus, this is the next best thing. OK, so let me start by saying:


There is no level-headed reason why a woman in 2011 should have to abandon her family’s last name in order to prove her fidelity and allegiance to her man! Ok, so I am not THAT opinionated, however I would like to point out that this concept is archaic and patriarchal and I do support it. I mean really, is our name not good enough? Is it less of a name? Are we less of a people if we keep our original name? I certainly don't think anyone should be expected to take their husband's name. It should be a choice. A mutual decision between you and your husband, not the rest of the world and the demands of what society thinks. 


The reason why women started changing their last names in the first place to their husbands last name was ownership rights. Take for instance "MRS." for a married woman. How did this term originate? It came from "MR'S." without the apostrophe. Yep, the very title that we woman claim comes from the possessive form of "Mr." and implies that a woman is indeed a possession.  This tradition dates back to the times when women were legally property! Can you believe it? WOMEN=PROPERTY!!! Anyway, that is another subject for another time. The marriage ceremony shows a transfer of ownership from her father to the husband and the change of her name solidifies that partnership. But since we are not viewed as property any more, there is no longer a good reason to change our last name. Wait, I take that back. one good reason is the fact that I can pick up laundry, do or get anything for him and vice versa and pay with his credit card using the same last name. But back to the topic at hand and I repeat, there is no longer a good reason to change our last name! 


There are many pressures to keep with 'tradition' for women and this issue. For instance, when I was getting married Sweets and I talked about this a lot. Actually, we talked about it our whole dating relationship, so he knew what he was getting into beforehand. I was very clear about my love for him and that I would do anything for him...anything but change my last name. Why? Why wouldn't I want to change my name? My answer lies in the innermost defiance layer of my body that tells me to not do what is expected of me to do by others. I will do things on my own accord when I am ready and feel no need to feed into pressure from others all because 'tradition' says so. Sweets was a little peeved by this whole thing but if he wanted to marry me, he would have to marry my feministic views as well. And he did! I love my husband and he loves me! We were able to compromise about the use of my last name and agree that I would use my original last name as my middle name and in addition take upon me his last name and not hyphenate them. I officially go by Julianne Gardner Arnell and I use all 3 names!


For some of you haters out there, I am all too familiar with your backlash. You claim that I am a half-ass kind-a-girl and I am not really a feminist but rather one who just wants to pick a few issues and battles those for women. In response, I would probably say you are right, but not really, but right. Yes, I am all for women. I am all for women to get paid the same in the workforce! I am all for women to vote! I am all for women to hold high CEO, CFO etc position in corporate america! I am all for women pilots! I am all for women in sports! You name it, I am for it, however, I am also for men opening my car door, and for men paying for my dinner, and for men doing things for me. I like to think of it as mutual equality. I do things for them and they do things for me, yet I do things for me and they do things for themselves. It all comes out in the wash anyway. 


So, in closing, I do believe women should not be pressured or expected to take their husbands last name and they should have the right to keep their own last name as a testament that they belong to no one else but themselves. I do also believe that there needs to be a 50-50 take and pull. It is personal choice and they should respect their spouse and make this decision together for the benefit of their marriage and their future and should not be looked down upon for whatever decision they choose! 

THE BIGGEST UPSET!

If Sweets were sitting next to me (and thankfully he is not) he would be rolling his eyes at me saying "here you go again". And he is totally right! Here I go again!  

This big boy, rather a huggable teddy bear in my opinion, was eliminated last night and I am SO mad!!! 

SERIOUSLY MAD!!!

Bob could not have said it any other way when he described just how bad Arthur needs to be on the show, for that was why the show was created. He said that aside from The Biggest Loser being a game, it is also a helping tool for those who are knocking on Heaven's door just as Arthur is. 

"IT IS A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH!!!

HE NEEDS TO BE HERE!!!

And just because he is not in an alliance with some people, he will be sent home when he is the only ONE that actually needs to be here! It's Bull Shhh." (quote from bob)

I could not agree more and I was screaming at the TV when this all went down and almost chucked the remote across the room. Clearly, sleep didn't help me because as I type, I am getting all upset. I really don't like to blame people, but I have to blame Sarah from the Black team for screwing up the order when she was already on the Red team knowing that Arthur was going home and the entire Red team for shoving him under the bus because he was "new" to their team and not part of their "family"! Who freakin' cares at this point. 

Save his life! 

I get it though. Really I do. It is a game. It is a contest. 

But this is Arthur! The largest contestant EVER to be on The Biggest Loser and someone who truly needs to be on the show. 

I am now on strike against this show and will boycott the remainder of the season!

(i really apologize for those lives that i offended just now while reading this, but this is how I feel and i think its really stupid it came to this. ;) )

CHOOSE CHANGE

Change happens. Change is inevitable. While I don't love it, I am learning to accept it with a happy face (most of the time) and feelings of peace in my heart. Without Change, there would be no forward progression in life, and I am all about moving on!

You see, I am not too happy about the Changes in my life the past few months. These Changes, at first, didn't just happen over night. They were gradual, but when they caught up to me I denied them and didn't accept them with open arms. I just couldn't. It was scary. Different. New. 

I have been in a constant push-and-pull relationship with my body. Weight gain, weight loss, and back to weight gain. Needless to say, it is not subsiding. No matter how hard I try to work off the extra L.b's, the scale keeps on getting higher and when I use new tactics that are supposed to alleviate my lower back pain and the stress on my hips the more my A.S. (ankylosing spondylitis) flares up! Having said that, I have been getting better about accepting this new Change and internalizing it to mean something positive in my life. Like a representation of a new stage of living. 

Changes were made last year. Big ones. A marriage and a move. But there were subtle, personal bodily Changes too. All the cellulite and stretch marks (unpleasant and sad...I know) are a testament of the progression that I have made with myself both spiritually and physically over the last year. My body is dealing with Change in the best way it knows how, and I can't compare anything else to it. I can however, love the Change that my mind has made. I can love the Changes that I have made to better my spirituality and the relationship that I have with my husband. I have never been here before. It is foreign. I need to learn to accept it, understand it, and only then will I be able to grow from it.

I am going to make Changes. The kind of Changes that can make life better. Changes that put a smile on my face and give me hope that the future is bright. Basically, I am going to own up to it and love it.

I will CHOOSE CHANGE!

JUST ADMIT IT

it is one of THOSE days today. you know the kind, we all have them and it is totally warranted sometimes. the kind where every minute seems like a lifetime, and a lifetime is never-ending. where you can look at the ceiling or stare off into space for what seems like eternity and before you know it, a whole 1 minute has passed by. the kind where solace gets you through the day (even when no sadness has occurred). yet tears are awaiting to descend. today is my day to have one of THOSE days. it is my day to walk a little slower, to respond a little quieter, and to sigh a little louder.

i get THOSE days somewhat frequently in the winter months. weird, because i just love winter. i love the cozy feeling of warmth. i love embarking in service towards others. i love holiday decorations, christmas music, smells of cinnamon and spice, lights, and drinking hot chocolate. i love curling up by the fire wrapped in blankets with my sweets and fur watching movies. this is not to say that my summer months are filled with rainbows, doves and unicorns. they aren't. but THOSE days happen too in summer. they just seem to pop up at random. i wonder what causes THOSE days. maybe stress, the weather or lack of sleep. any of you have THOSE days?

they can't stop me. it may hinder my progression but it will not stop me. tomorrow will come and THOSE days will be gone. THOSE days of blank reminders and shuffle stepping will be at my back. when all i see are my loves in front of me i will know that THOSE days are gone. at least until the next one...

STORY OF MY LIFE...

This is just too funny to pass up! I secretly feel like this is my brain under review...

Ever wondered how a woman’s brain works?
It’s finally explained here in one, easy-to-understand illustration:

Every one of those little blue balls is a thought about something that needs to be done, a decision or a problem that needs to be solved.

AT A LOSS..

It is too painful...

and there are no words to describe the awfulness that happened Saturday!

E L E C T I O N D A Y

Don't you just love Election Day?

Don't you just love how we are able to make a difference in our community, nation and world?

Don't you love the feeling of knowing that our voices are being heard?

Don't you love voting for what you believe in to be true?

Don't you love the self-satisfaction that you get by honoring your country?

Don't you love the internal reward knowing that you are upholding your part of citizenship?

I DO!

We are a blessed people to be living right now in this world, in this nation and in this state! We all have a moral obligation to The United States of America to get out there and vote! All of those lives lost, injured and still battling here and across the seas were and have been fighting for our liberty and rights...and that is the freedom to vote! We must all get informed with politics and government on all levels and do our part as citizens! It is our job to get to the polls today and vote! If you do not know what is going on, go anyway and vote for whatever, but you need to exercise your right to vote. As a human being living in America, there is absolutely NO excuse why you can't vote!

Change lies with us.

A better world lies with us.

VOTE!

happy election day!

(my apologies for those I may have offended...but I do believe that it should be constitutionalized that if you don't vote, you don't get to stay in the U.S.. it is our obligation as citizens to do our part here. thanks)

WHY WOMEN ACCUMULATE WEIGHT...

With time, women gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren’t heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy.

Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think,

“Good grief, look how smart I am!”

YARD WORK ANYONE?

I don't know about all of you, but I definitely need to do some yard evaluation and work!

I came across this quote the other day and said to myself "WHOA". I read it over and over and every time I felt like my heart was pounding out of my chest. My marriage, my testimony and spirituality, my health and fitness goals and my everyday living goals all came flooding into my head.

The grass isn't greener on the other side;

the grass is greener where you water it.

There are many things that I can improve in my life and they will only get better and easier if I spend the time and put forth the effort. Once I commit to improvement and spend the adequate time changing, I gain the "everything is great" attitude. I get stuck in that rut and become comfortable which then leads to slacking off and working less. But let's face it...life is work. My grass will only get greener if I stay consistent, have patience and remain positive!

YOU KNOW YOU ARE ... WHEN YOU ... !

Think about this question and answer it honestly. Today my answer is...

you know you are FAT when you RIP your fat jeans!

This summer I had the unfortunate pleasure of lugging around from top to bottom (literally) mass amounts of LB's! Why this is I have no idea. Apparently they thought it would be a fun trick on me if we all hung out together everyday, all day, throughout shorts and swimsuit weather. Did I mention the LB's were uninvited? Yeppers!

I thought that I had been working out pretty consistently the past few weeks. I have had PT twice a week and on the other days I have either been running, doing the elliptical or dancing. I also have spent lots of time calculating my daily eating habits and limiting my caloric intake to 1053. However, as I awoke from my delicious sleep to step on the scale, my heart sank! I hadn't lost ANY pounds! Not ONE single pound!

Perla, my dear friend and PT, advised me that I would gain a little LB's at first before I would lose some. How this happens I have no idea. As I depressingly went to get dressed, slipping my legs into my fat jeans, I heard a rip! UHGGG! I fell to the floor in tears looking at the huge hole in the pants that my booty had made.

In my weak state laying on the floor, I rolled over to my knees and said a little prayer for comfort, understanding, help, advice, and offered words of gratitude for my trials and the lessons that make me a stronger and better person. I was determined that this was not the end of the road for me. The battle was not yet lost! I vowed that I would put in double the effort until my body could train no more, and then triple the effort and train even harder!

I will show my skinny jeans that I am worthy of them and that I deserve to wear them! My new goal is November 21st!

Dilemma...

"I eat because i am unhappy.

I am unhappy because I eat.

Its a vicious cycle."

For the last few months I have felt a little like Fat Bastard in Austin Powers. I am sure all of you know the part in the movie when he says this, and maybe some of you may have felt like this too in your life. For some reason, nothing is going right with my weight and body. I have been in training for 2 months now and I would have thought that I would have lost some lbs., but NO! I have even cut back on my dessert intake (a lot actually) and still NOTHING! I have limited my "nectar of the gods" to maybe 2 a week, and, NADA! It is frustrating!

I have to clarify. I do not eat because I am unhappy with my life. In fact, I couldn't be happier. I married my best friend, my motivator, my example, my competitor, my partner in crime and my perfect match in February! I (we) have have the most beautiful, intelligent, quirky, athletic, incredible and funny Golden Retriever whom I love and adore! I have been blessed with an amazing family who are my best friends, and an even better family-in-law than I could have ever wished or asked for! I have loving friends, good health and the gospel!

So what's the problem? Where is the unhappiness coming from?

YES! It actually stems from eating. Apparently it is true that you get curvy when you get married. Who knew? We have continued the same routine from our dating life to our married life so it really doesn't make sense. I am unhappy because of my weight gain...which is unexplainable, and because my efforts aren't showing a turning point...thus making me eat more to drown out my sorrows! HA- vicious cycle in the flesh!

If anyone has a kick off diet plan that would help me get going, please pass it along!

GOAL: to lose 10 realistic pounds by September 11

GOAL: fit into my clothes from last summer without ripping the seams

GOAL: love my body no matter what

"REMEMBER, forget, REMEMBER"

"It doesn't take skill, it takes WILL!"

This is what my coach drilled into my head this morning as I was starting to fade away mentally and physically. My body was draining and in turn I was on the fast track of checking out. I lost the desire to push through and rise above.

I have somewhat of a disease depending on the day and activity. To the public, it is labeled "Procrastination" or better yet "Lack of Motivation", but to me it is simply "Laziness". Lame I know. It is frustrating to me that I let myself give in to such bad attitudes. It in no way helps my self-esteem, nor does it give me the added confidence, that I need, to complete my task at hand.

As my coach kept talking to me about ways to improve my WILL, all I could think about was how this little quote pertained to many aspects of my whole life. He wasn't just talking about this morning, but rather he was giving me life advice about not giving up or giving in at any point in my sojourn on earth no matter what the situation may be.

For some reason, this just hit me hard. I need to make changes and this was just the brick to the head to make me realize it. I don't need to master skills in order to be happy. I don't need to master skills to achieve my goals. I don't need to master skills to take a leap of faith and try new things. But I do need the WILL to learn those skills to my best ability, complete my activities fully going strong the whole time and to keep that WILL going long afterwards.

That WILL will create a new and hopefully long-lasting confidence and self recognition that I can do things and do things well if I put my mind to it. The idea that I can achieve anything if only I put my mind to it is a new attitude for me to really focus on. Thank goodness I have an amazing husband! One who never fails in perseverance or lacks in motivation. I have never met anyone else in this life who has that kind of dedication. (if i have, it is few and far between). He is my best example of the type of person that I want and should be. He is my best friend and is my greatest support, even when I become lazy.

My goal is to REMEMBER REMEMBER, instead of remembering the forgets!