This is most likely what you will be saying after you read this post, and I would like to say that 'no one' peed in my Cheerios this morning. I, in-fact, didn't even eat Cheerios this morning. I ate something entirely different and more scrumptious. Nonetheless, every once in a while I get these motivations so say what is on my mind, and this is the perfect outlet for me. If I try to exhaust my efforts of conversation on feminist issues with my husband, he kindly walks away smiling at me saying I am being stupid. Thus, this is the next best thing. OK, so let me start by saying:
There is no level-headed reason why a woman in 2011 should have to abandon her family’s last name in order to prove her fidelity and allegiance to her man! Ok, so I am not THAT opinionated, however I would like to point out that this concept is archaic and patriarchal and I do support it. I mean really, is our name not good enough? Is it less of a name? Are we less of a people if we keep our original name? I certainly don't think anyone should be expected to take their husband's name. It should be a choice. A mutual decision between you and your husband, not the rest of the world and the demands of what society thinks.
The reason why women started changing their last names in the first place to their husbands last name was ownership rights. Take for instance "MRS." for a married woman. How did this term originate? It came from "MR'S." without the apostrophe. Yep, the very title that we woman claim comes from the possessive form of "Mr." and implies that a woman is indeed a possession. This tradition dates back to the times when women were legally property! Can you believe it? WOMEN=PROPERTY!!! Anyway, that is another subject for another time. The marriage ceremony shows a transfer of ownership from her father to the husband and the change of her name solidifies that partnership. But since we are not viewed as property any more, there is no longer a good reason to change our last name. Wait, I take that back. one good reason is the fact that I can pick up laundry, do or get anything for him and vice versa and pay with his credit card using the same last name. But back to the topic at hand and I repeat, there is no longer a good reason to change our last name!
There are many pressures to keep with 'tradition' for women and this issue. For instance, when I was getting married Sweets and I talked about this a lot. Actually, we talked about it our whole dating relationship, so he knew what he was getting into beforehand. I was very clear about my love for him and that I would do anything for him...anything but change my last name. Why? Why wouldn't I want to change my name? My answer lies in the innermost defiance layer of my body that tells me to not do what is expected of me to do by others. I will do things on my own accord when I am ready and feel no need to feed into pressure from others all because 'tradition' says so. Sweets was a little peeved by this whole thing but if he wanted to marry me, he would have to marry my feministic views as well. And he did! I love my husband and he loves me! We were able to compromise about the use of my last name and agree that I would use my original last name as my middle name and in addition take upon me his last name and not hyphenate them. I officially go by Julianne Gardner Arnell and I use all 3 names!
For some of you haters out there, I am all too familiar with your backlash. You claim that I am a half-ass kind-a-girl and I am not really a feminist but rather one who just wants to pick a few issues and battles those for women. In response, I would probably say you are right, but not really, but right. Yes, I am all for women. I am all for women to get paid the same in the workforce! I am all for women to vote! I am all for women to hold high CEO, CFO etc position in corporate america! I am all for women pilots! I am all for women in sports! You name it, I am for it, however, I am also for men opening my car door, and for men paying for my dinner, and for men doing things for me. I like to think of it as mutual equality. I do things for them and they do things for me, yet I do things for me and they do things for themselves. It all comes out in the wash anyway.
So, in closing, I do believe women should not be pressured or expected to take their husbands last name and they should have the right to keep their own last name as a testament that they belong to no one else but themselves. I do also believe that there needs to be a 50-50 take and pull. It is personal choice and they should respect their spouse and make this decision together for the benefit of their marriage and their future and should not be looked down upon for whatever decision they choose!
There is no level-headed reason why a woman in 2011 should have to abandon her family’s last name in order to prove her fidelity and allegiance to her man! Ok, so I am not THAT opinionated, however I would like to point out that this concept is archaic and patriarchal and I do support it. I mean really, is our name not good enough? Is it less of a name? Are we less of a people if we keep our original name? I certainly don't think anyone should be expected to take their husband's name. It should be a choice. A mutual decision between you and your husband, not the rest of the world and the demands of what society thinks.
The reason why women started changing their last names in the first place to their husbands last name was ownership rights. Take for instance "MRS." for a married woman. How did this term originate? It came from "MR'S." without the apostrophe. Yep, the very title that we woman claim comes from the possessive form of "Mr." and implies that a woman is indeed a possession. This tradition dates back to the times when women were legally property! Can you believe it? WOMEN=PROPERTY!!! Anyway, that is another subject for another time. The marriage ceremony shows a transfer of ownership from her father to the husband and the change of her name solidifies that partnership. But since we are not viewed as property any more, there is no longer a good reason to change our last name. Wait, I take that back. one good reason is the fact that I can pick up laundry, do or get anything for him and vice versa and pay with his credit card using the same last name. But back to the topic at hand and I repeat, there is no longer a good reason to change our last name!
There are many pressures to keep with 'tradition' for women and this issue. For instance, when I was getting married Sweets and I talked about this a lot. Actually, we talked about it our whole dating relationship, so he knew what he was getting into beforehand. I was very clear about my love for him and that I would do anything for him...anything but change my last name. Why? Why wouldn't I want to change my name? My answer lies in the innermost defiance layer of my body that tells me to not do what is expected of me to do by others. I will do things on my own accord when I am ready and feel no need to feed into pressure from others all because 'tradition' says so. Sweets was a little peeved by this whole thing but if he wanted to marry me, he would have to marry my feministic views as well. And he did! I love my husband and he loves me! We were able to compromise about the use of my last name and agree that I would use my original last name as my middle name and in addition take upon me his last name and not hyphenate them. I officially go by Julianne Gardner Arnell and I use all 3 names!
For some of you haters out there, I am all too familiar with your backlash. You claim that I am a half-ass kind-a-girl and I am not really a feminist but rather one who just wants to pick a few issues and battles those for women. In response, I would probably say you are right, but not really, but right. Yes, I am all for women. I am all for women to get paid the same in the workforce! I am all for women to vote! I am all for women to hold high CEO, CFO etc position in corporate america! I am all for women pilots! I am all for women in sports! You name it, I am for it, however, I am also for men opening my car door, and for men paying for my dinner, and for men doing things for me. I like to think of it as mutual equality. I do things for them and they do things for me, yet I do things for me and they do things for themselves. It all comes out in the wash anyway.
So, in closing, I do believe women should not be pressured or expected to take their husbands last name and they should have the right to keep their own last name as a testament that they belong to no one else but themselves. I do also believe that there needs to be a 50-50 take and pull. It is personal choice and they should respect their spouse and make this decision together for the benefit of their marriage and their future and should not be looked down upon for whatever decision they choose!
Very interesting. I have never really thought about it like that. I love my family, heritage, etc. but my last name has always been a little pain. I'm kind of excited about the possibility of changing it one day...as long as it's something better.
ReplyDeleteaubrey sent me a link to this post because it is something i have discussed with my friends and coworkers. i've been married for a year and three months and i haven't changed my name. i adore my maiden name, it got me my job, and it just bugs me that i would have to pay to change it. i go by my married name for the most part, but on things that require ID (like scheduling doctor appointments, etc) i use my maiden and married last names. i figure that it's changed in church records and that's what matters. i go by it but i am not paying (for now) to change my name legally and then go through the huge hassle of "proving" i changed it to get new cards.
ReplyDeleteplus i heard it's harder now to make your maiden name your middle name if you already have a middle name. which i do. which i love. which i am not going to drop either.
i should probably do a post on this. maybe i'll change my mind when we have babies so we can all have the same last name.
Well said!
ReplyDelete-Brooke Felix Bowen
Uh oh, don't hate me. But I'm a follower of Dr. Laura and thus, not a super fan of the feminist movement. :( remind yourself that you don't hate me right now :) While I do promote equal opportunities for women in sports and work environments, I don't understand how we can demand to be treated as equals and then whine about not being treated with chivalry or gentlemanly conduct. (NOT saying that this is what your post is doing!) To want to be treated like a man, means not being treated like a woman, we can't have it both ways. I demand equality in the workplace but at home with my husband I rather enjoy being treated like a lady. And he's not opening the door for me because I cant muster up the strength and independence to do it on my own... he's doing it because it's the kind and respectful thing to do to show a woman that you value her femininity and her overall importance in your life. So with the name thing, I didn't take Kday's name because my maiden name was lacking in honorable and well respected history. I took his name because I am Mrs. Kday and I value the new honorable title that comes along with being Kday's wife. Because behind every good man stands an even better woman making him look good :)
ReplyDeleteYou can totally divorce me as a friend after this if you feel the need :) Sorry I'm at the other end of the point of view :)
I love ya though!